Will Packer also made history by leading the first all black production team in Oscar history. Many were excited about this honor. There was even a rumor about cities/towns hosting viewing parties to commemorate the achievement. But neither Packer nor Jackson’s accomplishments would get the attention they deserved. Unfortunately, Packer did get to illustrate another skill (crisis management) as he had to quickly make adjustments in real time for an unexpected guest. Willard Carroll Smith Jr, took the stage and assaulted Chris Rock. I make the distinction intentionally, between Willard Carroll Smith and Will Smith because for me, he was NOT the cool calm collected joking guy that I have watched over the years. Willard Smith Jr. is an entirely different guy.

In my opinion, the exchange between Smith and Rock at the Oscars was not about what we saw happen in that moment, but more what we don’t see or don’t want to acknowledge. I saw Will Smith have a Mental Health breakdown, which manifested as an assault on Chris Rock. But truth be told…even that was a blessing for Smith. I will circle back to that point later.

I think Will Smith, much like Kanye West, is and has been screaming for help. These men are NOT ok and people want to keep ignoring it. Just because people make a lot of money, have fame and clean up well, doesn’t make them immune to the real pressures of life. Smith has openly discussed his traumas as a child. He has a show in which he is constantly trying to defy death. He says he is facing his fears. He has become an enormous star and feels a lot of “responsibility” in his words. No doubt about things he can’t even control. In my opinion he nor West are FREE to get the help they may need without ridicule, stigma or memes. Previously the Smith’s shared a real marital issue that should’ve been a great learning opportunity for couples. My spouse and I have been together for 21years. We appreciated the honest discussion. But others used the conversation to further hurt them in the media. I wrote about it in my June blog entry titled “Oh the Smith’s”. I also wrote about Kanye’s outburst in “Pray for Kanye”. My view is that both of these men are suffering in silence (which is starting to explode) in a very unhealthy way because people won’t allow them private time.

I am NOT famous and the media is not watching my every move, but I can identify. I almost lost my own life because I didn’t know how to get help either. Most people around me were looking at my job, success and material things. I was hurt, physically and mentally exhausted. I was too embarrassed to share in some cases. I didn’t feel safe to reveal it in other cases and I didn’t want to be seen as weak or not having it together…because there were expectations and responsibilities. The good thing is that I was blessed enough to have a grandmother who recognized my grief and pain. She made it her purpose to help me through a really dark time using love, laughter and wisdom. She turned our daily conversations into therapy. Upon her death I sought additional counseling which ultimately resulted in my first book ” Just Keep Living: Conversations with Granny”. It is these conversations that I read today when I am having a difficult moment.

In the case of Smith and Kanye West (too) the people around them have to give these guys permission to NOT BE OK. What we’ve seen is that Michael Jackson, perhaps Whitney Houston and others are cracking up right before our eyes and those closest to them are ignoring all the signs!! Maybe they too are scared or maybe they need to eat and therefore say NOTHING.

I am grateful that my Granny loved me enough to keep asking, talking and pushing me to get help. This is not the first time a man has indicated that he wouldn’t play games in protecting his queen. We have heard Steve Harvey and even Former President Obama send loud messages about what they would do if you come for their wives. This is NOT that simple. There are many layers to the issue and it really doesn’t matter what has all led up to it at this point. What is clear is that he needs to get some help. We (the public) have to learn to be more compassionate, we have to allow people space to take care of themselves to ensure their own mental health without making jokes about it. They are human.

Now as to my comment about this being a blessing? Smith was going to break at some point. This was the best possible outcome for him in particular–Had this happened to any other private citizen or under a different set of circumstances, someone may have gotten hurt or worse “killed”. Because it was a fellow comrade who showed maturity, restraint and compassion, Smith may get the help he needs. I applaud Chris Rock because this situation could have been 10x worse had he retaliated. Rock was there to make jokes–it may have even been a bad joke, however, Smith’s behavior was/is still unacceptable.

Bottom line, we have to get HELP for ourselves. We have to be kinder to ourselves without the permission of others.

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